Ruffles Ultimate Kickin' Jalapeno Ranch

I'm going to start by saying I love ranch flavored things and ranch dressing in general.  I was tempted by the bag anyway since it's got rivets or something on it.  If these chips are so ultimate that they can only be contained by metal then I need to try them clearly.

But, when I opened the bag I smelled... cucumbers?  The hell?  These do not smell appealing at all.  This smells nothing like jalapenos or ranch and I'm already kind of nervous to taste these chips.  I can't even... what is this smell?  It's not quite like cucumbers, but it's close?  Urgh.  Well - here goes nothing.

But what do they taste like?
They taste better than they smell, but not by much.  The first bite is kind of a cucumber-y ranch flavor and then after a few seconds there's a punch of spice which I guess is the jalapeno.  The spice actually hurts my mouth a little and it sticks around.  The chips themselves are weirdly big and almost like styrofoam.  It's like eating styrofoam that has a little ranch, was rubbed with a cucumber, and then someone put hot sauce on.  It's about as terrible as it sounds.

There's something very unappealing about these.  They definitely don't taste enough like ranch to me - they taste like nothing good!  The signature Ruffles ridges are too big and just everything is wrong.  There is nothing close to 'ultimate' about these chips.

Wow - I am just all levels of disappointed with these.  I think they were at a disadvantage from the start since I always have high hopes for ranch flavored things, but these just completely missed the mark.  They're pretty terrible actually.  I definitely would not buy these again and, to be honest, I don't even think I'll finish the bag.  Yeah - just tried another one and nope - these are going in the trash.

I still have a bag of Ruffles Ultimate Sweet and Smokin BBQ, but after this debacle I don't have high hopes for them.

Rating

Homemade Chips: The First Experiment

On the excellent suggestion from my friend Ciara (of Northern Irish Crisps fame) I have made my own potato chips!  I used a recipe I found online that calls for nothing more than parchment paper, cooking spray, a potato, a grater, and a microwave.  I can do that!  Wait... can I do that?

I was pretty skeptical about making chips in the microwave, especially our tiny microwave, but what the hell - I'll give it a shot.  I like the idea of knowing what went into my chips.  It makes me feel better about eating them I guess?  I dunno, but I'm all for new chip experiences!

Our tiny kitchen is sans mandolin so our trusty grater will have to do.  Luckily it has a near perfect sized blade on the side that sliced up the potato nicely.  I read that they need to be thinly sliced otherwise they won't crisp evenly so I tried to keep them as thin as possible.

Next step: put them on parchment paper that has been liberally sprayed with Pam.  Honestly, the Pam spraying was the worst part out of all of this.  Our kitchen has very few surfaces so I didn't have anywhere to spray the Pam other than on the stove.  Placed the chips on the paper and sprayed them again with cooking spray so both sides of the chips were covered.  Now!  To the microwave!

I kept thinking of Ian Malcolm's line from Jurassic Park "No. I'm simply saying that life, uh, finds a way." because even though I tried to get the parchment paper to fill the microwave and maximize the amount of space I had to put chips on and not rotate, our microwave still managed to rotate it.  No idea how since it was pretty well wedged, but turn it did.  Bravo, microwave.

The recipe said '3-5 minutes', but after 5 they were clearly not done.  Put them in for another minute before I decided they were done enough for government work.  Some of them weren't fully crisped and some were pretty well browned, but whatever!  Mission success!  I decided to go all out with seasonings and picked Himalayan salt, oregano, basil and garlic powder.  I figured as a test run I'd salt them all and then put the three remaining seasonings in thirds.  The bits that are shiny in the picture below are places that didn't crisp properly.

The verdict?  Pretty good!  My roommate and I both agreed that the garlic was the tastiest of the three flavors and that mixing all the spices would be worth a try.  Well then!  I didn't re-spray the parchment paper, but I sprayed the potatoes when I put them on.  Microwaved for 8 minutes this time and it was way better.  All of the chips were crispy and kinda stuck together where they were touching.  I put all of the spices on and it was pretty good! 

I still had yet more potato slices so why not make one more batch?  Why not indeed.  I put Parmesan cheese on the final batch .  Why?  Because I could.  The cheese really didn't make much of a difference to the flavor, but I enjoyed them all the same.

The overall verdict?  Good!  I'll probably make them again.  There's a strong potato taste and then the taste of the seasoning I put on.  It's not surprising, but it was refreshing to have a chip taste exactly like what was on it.  I think the biggest problem was that the spray had dried by the time the chips came out of the microwave - that meant the spices didn't stay on the chip.  If I tipped it a little I lost all the spice.  The good thing is that the browned ones didn't taste burnt - they just tasted like chip.

I'm not going to start rating them until I got the formula right and put some thought into how I'd like them to taste (other than 'use the spices in the pantry').  I mostly just wanted to put the first attempt out there and let you know this mission is in the works!  I'll still be posting store brand strange chips on Tuesdays, but I'll be tossing in a couple homemade posts on other days!  Maybe Thursdays?  Check back, friends!

Doritos Tacos

I saw these Taco Doritos and knew I had to try them.  I also didn't buy them when I first saw them and then never saw them again.  Until today!  Glorious today!  In their weird throwback bag and their promise of tasting like a taco... I was smitten.  I'm still not clear on why the bag looks the way it does.  It reminds me of the generic ye olden times chip bags you see in movies.

But what do they taste like?
They pretty much taste like a taco with the flavor of the meat, but no meat.  You know that extra shell you found sitting in the sad pile of beef that tumbled out of the taco?  That's what these chips are.  Luckily for me I like that last weird shell and I like these chips.

They're not taco flavored really.  It's more ground beef and shell and taco seasoning.  It's like half a taco, but missing all the things that truly make it a taco like cheese and sour cream and lettuce and tomatoes.  Actually, the more of them I eat, the less they taste like a taco and they already basically weren't tasting like one to begin with.  Except for the one I just ate that was covered in seasoning... that one tasted like taco spices.  And that's disappointing given how long I'd spent searching for them!

If you're the one who wants your tacos plain then you'll probably like these chips.  Actually, I think most people will like them.  The flavor is pretty mild and it's not overwhelmingly taco-y.  My bet is you won't taste this and say 'my god this tastes like a taco'.  What you will say, probably, is 'wow it tastes like they flavored these chips with a bag of taco seasoning!'

Rating:

Chips of Northern Ireland!

It's time for the first random post!  It's not Tuesday, friends!  But I'm posting!  My friends in Northern Ireland ate a bunch of chips and sent me their thoughts and pictures!  This is sort of half a guest post I guess?  I am jealous because I want to try these strange, nearly mystical flavors.  Especially Flame Grilled Steak holy crap!


The Reviews!
All Tayto chips are immense.  Tayto are the most popular over here.  They always have lots of flavour on them that would melt on the tongue.  And Tayto does lots of what we call normal flavour crisps such as cheese and onion, salt and vinegar, prawn cocktail, roast chicken, and then they do funky shape crisps like Xys and Ozys and Rollers.

And you can only get them over here.  They're even hard to get in England.  Oh and Space Invaders - they're class.  Prawn cocktail has a fishy smell.

 Nik Naks look like twigs.

Gemma's Favorites at the moment:
Rollers, cheese and onion, prawn cocktail, roast chicken, and Space Invaders.

Ciara's Favorites at the moment:
Flame grilled steak, paprika, smoky bacon, Wotsits and Skips.
Flame grilled steak is legit the best flavour ever.  Your mouth feels overloaded with flavour.  Your lips would burn with it.

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Ok!  It's me again!  Dudes - I want to try all of these chips!  Why do we not have easy access to such awesome flavors?!  I wish I'd been doing this blog a few years ago when I was in Northern Ireland and Australia - both those places have crazy chips.  I can't really provide a rating for these (though I assume it would vary from chip to chip - awesome sounding flavors aren't always awesome tasting), but someday I'll go back there and try them all.  Also Nik Naks totally look like Cheetos.

Tune in on Tuesday at our regular time for the next post!

El Sabroso Original Salsitas Spicy Salsa

I got these El Sabroso Spicy Salsa chips because I was intrigued by their promise of real tomatoes and avocados and all the flavors of salsa in a single chip!  Can it be?  Has all the dipping we've done been a horrible mistake?  What sort of salsa will this be anyway?  Mild, medium, spicy??  Probably spicy, as it says on the bag.  Also it is a freaking giant bag as that's the only size the store had.  I hope I like 'em because I've certainly got enough of them.

The chips themselves are fairly round and flat and a more orange than the red I'd expect from salsa chips.  There's also tiny little green nibbles seemingly baked into the chip in places rather than just being on it.  Most of the chips also have a healthy dose of seasoning which is usually a good thing.

But what do they taste like?
First bite - holy crap it tastes like salsa!  Few seconds later and it tastes like spicy salsa!  Then it just tastes like spicy and a not quite normal tortilla chip.  There's something weirdly bland about the chip itself.  They don't feel very solid, but also seem kinda stale at the same time?  It's strange.  I think because I usually dip regular tortilla chips in salsa I was expecting more salt/flavor from the chip.  The spice also lasts for awhile, but not in a pleasant way.  It's just sort of a generic spice which just burns my mouth.  I don't like that feeling!

So here's what I think.  They're never going to replace chips and salsa.  For me, one of the things I like about salsa, is, well, the salsa - not just the taste of the salsa.   And the way the salsa taste mingles with the chip taste.  This takes away that delightful experience.  They do get the salsa flavor right at the start, but even with some chips absolutely covered in flavor, the actual salsa taste doesn't stick around long.

They're not bad as a novelty, but I won't be getting them again.  I'll finish my giant bag (probably), but that'll be the end of it.  I'm also still not sure where the real tomatoes and avocados were.  Tasted pretty processed to me!  Basically, they just don't taste good enough to justify the mouth burn.

Rating:

Zapp's Voodoo New Orleans Kettle Style

So I had dinner with some friends at Bourbon Street and saw Zapp's Voodoo Gumbo chips on the menu.  I was intrigued and super awkwardly asked what they were and what Voodoo meant.  The waiter had no idea why they were Voodoo and maybe hated that I asked about something as simple as chips.  I'll have you know, sir, chips are serious business.  I still don't know why, but that's ok!  In the end, since they came in a bag (which seems kind of weird as an appetizer, but whatever, it worked for me), I decided to get them.

The bag itself is covered in... voodoo dolls I guess?  Oh yeah - on closer inspection they are definitely voodoo dolls.  Will I be cursed after eating these?  It also doesn't say Gumbo anywhere on it so I'm forced to assume this is a random bag of Voodoo chips and not Gumbo flavored, as I had hoped.

But what do they taste like?
They taste... geez what the heck do these taste like?  They're good!  Surprisingly so!  Not too greasy which gets points in my book.  There's kind of a vinegar kick to them and then other seasonings as well.  After the first bit of flavor it calms down and there's sort of a sweetness to it.  Almost like a sweet salt and vinegar chip?  But there's also a little BBQ flavor in there as well.  Like a salt and vinegar sweet meat chip?  That... that sounds horribly unappealing I realize, but it actually tastes pretty damn good.

There are a lot of flavors in every bite, but it works well together.  And it doesn't really stick around except for a mild aftertaste that goes away with some water.  One problem - I ate nearly half the bag trying to figure out what the heck the flavor was (hell - I'm still trying to identify some flavoring goodness) so it didn't leave me very many to just enjoy.  As I ate more, that first hit of vinegar flavor mellowed and the rest of the bag tasted pretty sweet.  The last bits tasted a little burnt, but I think that's because it was mostly left over edge chips pieces that had broken off.

I'd definitely get these again I think.  It's like salt and vinegar with a twist!  Also, props to Zapp's because I really wasn't sure what to expect.  Something delicious?  Something horrible?  They delivered a mighty fine chip here, though the flavor doesn't last super long.  I'd be interested to try other Zapp's brands, but I've never seen them anywhere else other than this restaurant.  I guess I'll have to go back to Bourbon Street and have delicious food.  What a hardship!

Rating:

Ruffles Loaded Chili and Cheese

I picked these up because chili cheese fries are awesome, but I don't have them that often.  What if I could recreate the chili cheese fries experience in a potato chip?!  The possibilities are nearly endless.

The bag informed me that these chips are loaded with flavor.  "Chili? Check. Cheese? Heck yeah. Onions and peppers. Bingo."  I'm very interested to see how they handle onions and peppers when chili and cheese are strong flavors.  The chips are nearly orange in places with the same green onion flakes that sour cream and onion chips have.

But what do they taste like?
More like chili than cheese and they're kinda spicy!  To be honesty, despite these chips being practically orange, I didn't get to much of a cheese flavor in 'em.  What they do taste like is dipping a chip into chili and then eating it.  Chili that is kind of spicy!  Keep in mind though, I have the spice tolerance of a fetus - which is to say I am bad with spicy things.  Still, putting aside the fact that my mouth got a little burn-y, these are pretty good.    They don't live up to the 'cheese' part of chili and cheese, but they definitely get the chili part.  I also didn't really get the 'peppers' flavoring unless it was the spiciness.  Definitely tasted the onions though and maybe a hint of the famed cheese.  After eating a bunch of them I started to lose the distinct chili taste that I originally tasted and it took on more of a spicy aftertaste.  It was the only thing I could taste for awhile.

When asked, my roommate tasted them and said: "Yeah... definitely chili.  I can taste a bit of the cooked peppers, but... definitely chili".  So make of that what you will!

Would I get them again?  No, probably not.  I think Ruffles chips, no matter the flavor, always taste like greasy Ruffles chips, if that makes any kind of sense.  Basically, no matter what flavor it says on the bag, Ruffles chips will always end up tasting like greasy potato chips.  And that's not super appealing to me!  Still - they don't taste bad - they just weren't winners in my book.

Rating:

Dirty Potato Chips Funky Fusion

I bought these because they were called 'Funky Fusion' and other than being kettle cooked in premium peanut oil, the bag gives basically no clue as to what flavor that might be.  I must know the secrets within!  Also, I'm getting over a cold and don't taste things as strongly as perhaps I otherwise would.

The bag itself is brown and only tells me the standard Dirty Chips 'here is how we cook these chips!' line.  Not helpful, Bag, but you did intrigue me so I suppose your ploy worked.

But what do they taste like?
From the smell I thought they'd taste like salt and vinegar chips which would have been fine with me since I loves me some salt and vinegar chips.  They almost taste like that, but then don't.  I guess you could say they're... funkier?  Salt and vinegar chips are sharp in a way that these aren't - these Funky Fusion chips have a bit of a bite initially, but then they're pretty mellow.  I honestly could not say which flavor they were going for here which I guess is a testament to the 'fusion' aspect of these chips.  Maybe a little onion-y?  I can say that they don't taste like meat, but for the life of me I can't figure out what they do taste like.  They're salty, but kind of savory at the same time in a good way.  The first second you taste a hint of salt and vinegar, then whatever strange seasoning blend is there, and then it's just a kind of greasy chip.

If they tasted as strong as the first bite then I would give them five stars.  Whatever the fusion is... I like it!  But after a few seconds that flavor is gone and you're just eating a chip.  Still - they definitely taste nice and I would eat them again.  I maybe wouldn't buy them again, but if someone offered them to me I'd take them up on it.  I'd also mention that, given the similarity to salt and vinegar chips, if you don't like those there's a good chance you won't like these.

Rating:

Lay's Honey Barbecue

I wanted to try Lay's Honey Barbeque because I love dipping things in honey barbeque sauce.  I wanted these to taste like they were made with honey barbecue sauce.

In classic Lay's fashion some of the chips were almost orange with seasoning and some of the chips looked like they weren't seasoned at all.  No even coating here!  They're also pretty greasy.

But what do they taste like?
They don't taste like much unfortunately.  It doesn't even taste like regular potato chips... they taste blander than that, but slightly sweet which is a weird combination.  And that's the chips that are covered in the seasoning - the ones without seasoning don't taste like much at all.  Sometimes you get a hint of the regular Barbecue flavor, but for the most part they're pretty bland.  There's also a chemical-y taste and a bit of an aftertaste too.

It seems to me that the Flavor Masters (or whoever they are) at Lay's decided that the only people who like honey barbecue are the ones who can't handle the super intensity of regular Barbecue chips.  This is not the case, Lay's!  If you give me chips then please make them taste like what you say you will!  Honey Barbecue is not a complicated flavor.  However, if you're the type of person who thinks regular Lay's Barbecue chips are too intense then you'll probably enjoy these.  Personally I'll stick the regular Barbecue rather than watered down weirdness.

Rating:

Pringles Screamin' Dill Pickle

Why Screamin' Dill Pickle chips?  Well, I had Intense Pickle Doritos when I was in Montreal and absolutely loved them.  Alas, I don't live near Montreal and so don't exactly have an easy source of Intense Pickle Doritos.  Since then I've been searching for a replacement pickle chip.  I hoped that these Pringles pickle chips would do the job.

The container art has four dill pickle spears and one chip being flung at me.  The pickles are really juicy.  Honestly it looks kind of gross.  The can also told me to 'Test Your Taste Buds!' and I'm not quite sure what it means.  These xtreme chips are so intense that my taste buds are gonna go bananas or something I guess.  Opening the can brings out a really strong pickle smell which is expected given that they're Screamin.

But what do they taste like?
They taste a lot like regular Pringles with a medium pickle taste and a stronger pickle aftertaste.  Gotta say it was unexpected how mild they are given how strong the smell was.  I figured I'd take a bite and it'd be like biting into a pickle, but nope.  Actually it was much more like eating chips that had a pickle resting on them briefly which I rather quite like.  Still, they're not anywhere near extreme unless eating pickle flavored chips is extreme.  The aftertaste lasts for awhile so if you do try them, expect to be tasting pickle for a bit.  Also, I'm still weirded out by the pickles flying at me from the can.

If you're like me and you really like the chips that have hung out with the pickle on the plate then you'll probably like these.  If you don't like pickles then I'd steer well clear.

Rating: