Doritos Jacked Ranch Dipped Hot Wings

It's a known fact that I think ranch dressing is pretty delicious.  It's also known that the best dipping sauce for buffalo wings is ranch dressing.  None of these other dressings for me.  It's safe to say that I am both pro ranch dressing, and pro buffalo wings.  Or, in this case, hot wings.  So I was pretty excited when I found these magic chips.  But also wary for, as I've learned, chips rarely taste like the two promised things.  It's one or the other.  How shall these fare?!

But what do they taste like?
Wow.  They actually taste a hell of a lot like ranch dipped hot wings.  They're not quite buffalo wings, because there's no chicken flavor really, but it's pretty close to eating a chip that's been dipped in some sort of strange 'ranch hot wing sauce' mix.  They're also practically neon with flavor - usually a good sign.  For these the flavor isn't super overpowering, but the flavor that lasts is the chemically hot wing taste, when I'd prefer to taste more ranch.  Another thing is that they're strangely thick chips, and way bigger than regular Doritos.  Is that a thing with JACKED chips?  It's a bit strange, since the chip flavor detracts from the ranch/hot wing flavor.  It seems to be a thing, since the bag says that they're 'bigger, bolder, thicker', but I honestly don't feel like that improves them.

The larger than average chips are kinda weird.  There are fewer chips in the bag, but simultaneously more calories than a usual bag of chips.  That's not a problem, but I think these can very easily be overeaten, since you feel like you've only eaten a few chips when really it's double normal size Doritos.  They're not too spicy, but they do have a bit of a kick, which you expect with hot wings sauce.

The flavor overall is nice, but it seems to taste best the first second you try it.  After that it gets pretty chemically.  I think I'd like these better if that first taste stuck.  The first taste is more ranch/wing, but it's very quickly overpowered by the chemical hot wing sauce.  Overall, these do actually have a ranch and hot wing sauce flavor, so props to Doritos for the 'dual flavor' chip, but they're deceptively big and taste pretty chemically the more you eat.  That and the neon seasoning requires extra napkins.

Rating

 

Doritos Blazin' Buffalo & Ranch

If you know me you may know that I think ranch is awesome.  On salad?  Sweet - best salad ever.  Dipping things in it?  Sup, buffalo wings, you're looking delicious.  Blue cheese?  No thanks - that's gross.  Check plus ranch dressing.  So, needless to say, when I saw these I decided I should buy them.  I would've preferred  a smaller bag in case these are awful, but they didn't have a smaller bag!  Of course, I ended up finding a smaller bag at a different store later in the week, but that's not the point.  I have these now.

Let's hope they're good because I have a ton of them.  First off - they look like regular cheese Doritos and kinda smell like them.  Not getting much of a buffalo or ranch smell.  The orange flavor dust is so orange it's nearly radioactive.  Exciting!

But what do they taste like?
Spicy.  But not buffalo wing spicy, like the Pringles Blastin' Buffalo Wing - it's more of a generic spice.  Maybe it's just me, but I'm not really tasting the buffalo or the ranch taste.  To be fair, it probably isn't easy to make one chip taste like two flavors, but I don't think they've quite done it.  The actual taste isn't obvious.  My mouth mostly just burns a little right now.  It really doesn't taste like much, weirdly.  Or, at least, not of buffalo wings or ranch.

They don't taste bad - Doritos rarely do, but they're also very much not buffalo wings and ranch which is kinda strange since some of them are nearly neon with flavor.  They're a bit spicy and mouth burn-y, but not really anything more than that.

As far as wanting something that tastes like buffalo wings or ranch these definitely miss the mark.  That being said, they don't taste bad necessarily... they're pretty much just mildly spicy nacho Doritos that don't quite taste like cheese.  Weird.

Rating

Ruffles Ultimate Kickin' Jalapeno Ranch

I'm going to start by saying I love ranch flavored things and ranch dressing in general.  I was tempted by the bag anyway since it's got rivets or something on it.  If these chips are so ultimate that they can only be contained by metal then I need to try them clearly.

But, when I opened the bag I smelled... cucumbers?  The hell?  These do not smell appealing at all.  This smells nothing like jalapenos or ranch and I'm already kind of nervous to taste these chips.  I can't even... what is this smell?  It's not quite like cucumbers, but it's close?  Urgh.  Well - here goes nothing.

But what do they taste like?
They taste better than they smell, but not by much.  The first bite is kind of a cucumber-y ranch flavor and then after a few seconds there's a punch of spice which I guess is the jalapeno.  The spice actually hurts my mouth a little and it sticks around.  The chips themselves are weirdly big and almost like styrofoam.  It's like eating styrofoam that has a little ranch, was rubbed with a cucumber, and then someone put hot sauce on.  It's about as terrible as it sounds.

There's something very unappealing about these.  They definitely don't taste enough like ranch to me - they taste like nothing good!  The signature Ruffles ridges are too big and just everything is wrong.  There is nothing close to 'ultimate' about these chips.

Wow - I am just all levels of disappointed with these.  I think they were at a disadvantage from the start since I always have high hopes for ranch flavored things, but these just completely missed the mark.  They're pretty terrible actually.  I definitely would not buy these again and, to be honest, I don't even think I'll finish the bag.  Yeah - just tried another one and nope - these are going in the trash.

I still have a bag of Ruffles Ultimate Sweet and Smokin BBQ, but after this debacle I don't have high hopes for them.

Rating